In this 15th episode of the Ask Away series on the Everyday Judaism Podcast, Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe addresses two questions related to Jewish practices surrounding death and repentance. Responding to Marilyn Robinson’s question about prayers at a loved one’s gravesite, Rabbi Wolbe explains the custom of reciting Psalm 119, using the letters of the deceased’s name (and sometimes their parents’ names) to select verses, followed by Kaddish with a minyan for its protective power over the soul. He emphasizes that Kaddish acknowledges Hashem’s mastery, helping cleanse the soul from worldly distractions during the temporary purgatory process, which is not eternal except for the truly wicked. Personal prayers or conversations at the gravesite are valid for healing, but one should not pray to the deceased, only asking them to intercede with Hashem. Addressing the second question about Selichot timing, Rabbi Wolbe notes that Sephardic Jews begin Selichot at the start of Elul, following Moshe’s ascent for the second tablets, marked by daily shofar blowing to prevent sin, while Ashkenazic Jews start a week or four days before Rosh Hashanah, depending on the calendar. Both communities recite Selichot during the Ten Days of Repentance, aligning with the period of seeking forgiveness, which Hashem grants readily upon sincere request, unlike human grudges. Rabbi Wolbe encourages learning from Hashem’s forgiving nature and invites further questions for future episodes.

In this episode of Ask Away we address these questions and topics:

• Marilyn: What is a prayer you recite at a loved one's gravesite?
• Carlos: Why do some start Selichot one month before Rosh Hashanah and others 10 days or a week before?

Please submit your questions at askaway@torchweb.org

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The Everyday Judaism Podcast is dedicated to learning, understanding and appreciating the greatness of Jewish heritage and the Torah through the simplified, concise study of Halacha, Jewish Law, thereby enhancing our understanding of how Hashem wants us to live our daily lives in a Jewish way.
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This Podcast Series is Generously Underwritten by Marshall & Doreen Lerner

• Download & Print the Everyday Judaism Halacha Notes:
  https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1RL-PideM42B_LFn6pbrk8MMU5-zqlLG5

This episode (Ep. #60) of the Everyday Judaism Podcast by Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe of TORCH is dedicated to my dearest friends, Marshall & Doreen Lerner! May Hashem bless you and always lovingly accept your prayer for good health, success and true happiness!!!

Recorded in the TORCH Centre - Levin Family Studio (B) to a live audience on August 31, 2025, in Houston, Texas.
Released as Podcast on September 22, 2025
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Share your questions at askaway@torchweb.org or visit torchweb.org for more Torah content.  
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About the Host:
Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe, Director of TORCH in Houston, brings decades of Torah scholarship to guide listeners in applying Jewish wisdom to daily life.  To directly send your questions, comments, and feedback: awolbe@torchweb.org
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Subscribe and Listen to other podcasts by Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe: 

• NEW!! Prayer Podcast: https://prayerpodcast.transistor.fm/episodes
• Jewish Inspiration Podcast: https://inspiration.transistor.fm/episodes
• Parsha Review Podcast: https://parsha.transistor.fm/episodes
• Living Jewishly Podcast: https://jewishly.transistor.fm/episodes
• Thinking Talmudist Podcast: https://talmud.transistor.fm/episodes
• Unboxing Judaism Podcast: https://unboxing.transistor.fm/episodes
• Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe Podcast Collection: https://collection.transistor.fm/episodes

For a full listing of podcasts available by TORCH at http://podcast.torchweb.org
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Keywords:
#Torah, #Halacha, #Jewish, #Customs, #spirituality, #gravesite, #Kaddish, #afterlife, #faith, #responsibility, #inspire, #faith